NACHO SNOB

I dont' get it. What is so hard about nachos? Take some chips, slap some cheese on 'em, sprinkle a few peppers, green ones, red ones, and banana ones, top it with some chicken and maybe, if you are Marty, throw some olives on there, add a little more cheese, toss the whole thing in the oven and bake, then broil, remove and serve hot with lots and lots of salsa. Sound hard to screw up? It should be. But tonight, the plate of nachos set infront of me, was...well, screwed up! Sub par! Brutal for pub food, brutal!!!

I love to indulge in a huge plate of nachos after a day of outdoor activity. I feel, after taking on Mother Nature, that I somehow deserve a big, greasy plate of chips and salsa. It was the thought of this steaming tray of grease and salt waiting for me like bait, that made forging through Kananaskis on my snowshoes, despite the ginormous blister I could feel developing on my heel, possible! So I am sure you can imagine my dissapointment when the plate I found myself staring at was nothing close to what I just described as perfect, simple nachos!

I guess I have become a bit of a "nacho snob." As a nacho snob, I would like to write a few tips with the hopes that the kitchen staff from the pub I ate at tonight, might somehow read them and improve their simplest dish. Please feel free to add to my list:

Choose a bag of good quality chips, cheap, shitty chips ruin nachos!!! Go for the Tostitos Hint of Lime or Multigrain..

Shred LOTS of cheese over EACH layer of chips

Cut the peppers up small, don't put onions on, even if you are tempted.

Use Banana Peppers too, lots of 'em

Chicken or beef placed on every layer of chips makes sure those enjoying them, get some protein

If you are gonna go with olives, put them on HALF the plate so the picky people, like myself don't have to weird others out by picking them off and piling them on the side of our plates.

Add more cheese, so that cheese is the top layer.

Put in oven and bake slowly so that all of the cheese can melt. Hunks of half melted cheese is gross. Let the cheese melt.

Broil once all the cheese is melted, just to add a little crispiness.

Serve with lots and lots and lots of salsa, lots of it!

If your chips are cheap, your pepper chunks are too big or you decided to put huge hunks of onion on them, your nachos will suck.

If you don't let the cheese melt on all layers, your nachos will suck.

If you don't put cheese on all layers of chips, your nachos will suck.

If you forgo the meat, your nachos won't necessarily suck, but they will be sub par.

If you overdo the olives, your nachos will suck.

If you broil the shit out of them, your nachos will suck!

Now, go make some nachos and enjoy!!!