Friday, September 25, 2009
I've been having troubles lately with my tummy. I mean, worse troubles than usual. My guts, or "bowel" as the doctor likes to call it, has turned into this giant, hard knot. The start of an ulcer? IBS? Not sure yet, the lab will disclose that soon enough. While I wait it out in discomfort, fatigue and constant nausea, I gotta admit there are a few laughs that go along with the symptoms of an irritated bowel. Yep, I'm gonna use that word alot cause I bet it makes people squirm...he he! Anyway, my angry bowel becomes quite a bit happier when I can release some of the pressure on it. This, as you may have already guessed, involves farting, which, as anyone who knows me well, can attest to, I do a lot. While I have always had, what my sister refers to as a "rotten ass," lately things have become significantly more rotten, if that's possible! The rotteness grows more intense, however, I continue to be reining champ of the "silent but violent" signature emission. This has become extremely handy in my professional field. As a teacher, it is easy to get away with these horrible flachulents, mostly undetected...I've had a lot of fun with this over the last couple of weeks. I will "let one go," walk away and watch the drama unfold. It always starts with the student who happened to be closest to the "drop zone," catching a whiff. His nose starts to wrinkle, he looks around, with an accusing glance at other classmates. Within seconds he is pulling his shirt up over his nose, a move that is always followed by a verbal blaming of the guy sitting next to him. By this time several students have gone through the same motions and before I know it, more than half the class, shirts up over their noses are making gagging noises, pointing fingers at suspects. I move around the room continuously avoiding eye contact with all victims. Most of the time I can't help but get into the action, by commenting, "ewww, someone stinks!!!" My comments are always followed by my lips turning up into a grin, which is indefinately followed by an outloud laugh, after all, farts are always funny. The best though, is when one of the little gaffers proudly claims the stench as his own!!! "Excusez-moi. It was me," the boy called out with a pride so convincing, no one questioned it, especially not me!