Monday, September 17, 2012


Sorry, I have not been writing lately.  I've been busy, drowning! September has been a crazy, strong under currant gripping my ankles, tugging so that it's all I can do to keep my head above the water!!

Starting back at work after two glorious months of summer is always challenging, however this year it has been even more so for me as I decided to implement a whole new French Program.  This new program utilizes gestures along with vocabulary. In fact, every single word the Teacher speaks is accompanied by a gesture.  It's kind of like sign language, but it's not, so while I am completely bilingual, I am not familiar with the gestures, so I've had to spend at least an hour every evening, studying just to say one step ahead of the kids.  Being only one step ahead is both exhausting and stressful!
Leaving Ryder at the day home has actually gone without incident, however he has spent the month (at least it feels like it's been a month) getting his molars. He has been miserable! MISERABLE!!! He's been clingy, whiny, tantrummy and angry (he's even tried hitting me a few times! Like, what???) 
Scout and Dirt Face are on my mind constantly and just knowing they are not getting all the attention they deserve nags at me constantly...feeling guilty all the time is exhausting!!!
Speaking of feeling guilty...finding time for fitness has been super challenging. Lately the best I can manage is a long dog walk with Scout in the evenings.
 House cleaning?! Ha!! Laundry? Ha ha!! Grocery shopping? Ha ha ha!
Don't even talk to me about making time for my hubby!!!!
I've really been doing a crappy job finding balance and time for all of this! 
 Today, I decided for my own sanity, for my own health, for my family, I have to let go. Not of house cleaning...that I have no problem "letting go of," but of trying to do it all!!  I can't always be there to pick up Ryder at exactly 4pm every afternoon. I can't always spend every minute with him until he goes to bed and still have time for all the other responsibilities and hobbies I have (like when do I get to check Facebook??? Blog??).  I love being with Ryder all the time, but I have to remember, Ryder has a Daddy. A good one!  A Daddy who can pick him up from the Day Home every now and then. A Daddy who can play in the sandbox with him, a Daddy who can do tubby time and read stories before bed, a Daddy who can walk Scout and a Daddy who can wash dishes.  It's time I let, Marty help me. I have been a baby hog. I have refused help, because I love doing it all, but I cannot do it anymore!! 
Today, Marty picked Ryder up and I went grocery shopping after school. I made it home by 5pm and had time to put the groceries away and have dinner with my boys. I still got to go to the park with them after supper and then, I took Ryder up to the tub, while Marty did dishes.  I got to walk Scout, had time to "study" and now I even have a few minutes to blog.
Ryder's molars are in...I hope, I am a few days ahead on learning my gestures for French class, the fridge is stocked and the sun is shining! Here's to finding a balance!!

1 comment:

saramsay said...

Balance is always a challenge. I am still working on finding it... and like you I find it difficult to let go. I try to do it all, and often don't ask for help or even take it when it is offered... isn't that how you become a supermom?!?!? I have also decided in the last few weeks that this is an area I really need to work on as well. So important, and I think makes for better mommies, wives, friends, etc....