GAS

Scout has officially qualified as a spawn of Marty and I. Last night, Scout proved she has one of the chracteristics, Marty and I will, without a doubt, pass on to our children, she had....gas! I'm not talking about a normal, weird smelling dog toot, I am talking about a full on, loud, squeaky string of FARTS! It all started with me making a poor judgement call by buying a big, faux rawhide chew toy at the Dollar Store. I was so excited to give it to her, that I hardly noticed that it was not authentic rawhide. She was chewing away when Marty noticed how strange the thing looked, how it was flaking all over the floor and how it smelled like ass! We took it away, but her sad, dissapointed eyes made me decide to let her have it back if she took it outside. I should have been tougher, her little tummy and rectum would be thanking me right now, but instead, i gave in. The chew toy was devoured, not to be thought of again, until 4:30am. Scout woke me up with urgent cries coming from her kennel. She never wakes me up at night, so I figured she must be desperate! I pulled on my sweat pants and took her outside. She raced to her "magic spot," and squatted like she was going to "eliminate," I shined my flashlight on her backside, (I like to know if she's done her business,) but, to her frustration and my amazement, the only thing that came out was...the loudest FART ever! I couldn't help it, I laughed outloud! I had never really heard a dog fart before. I'd smelled Duke's farts and I'd smelled Scout's, but never had I heard it, not loud, in the raw like this! Scout seemed surprised, she looked behind herself, raced to another spot, squatted and another one ripped out! Wow, if she hadn't looked so bewildered it would have been way funnier. Three times it happened before anything besides gas actually came out! I will spare you the details of the un-gassy things I had to clean up at 4:30am, but, please learn from my mistake, NEVER FEED YOUR DOG FAUX RAW HIDE, especially if it only costs a buck fifty!